everything.
at 12:02 a.m. on 11.01.09I have found a new boy who'd never leave me for a child. He's the one who brought me flowers when I needed just that one extra push to get over Travis, when working with him was ALMOST enough to ruin everything I'd worked so hard on in a week of not seeing him. This new boy, I call him Captain and he calls me Princess [Leia] and he spins me in public corridors while I hum off-key and giggle. He plays with my hair while I lie with my head in his lap, picking fluff off the knees of his jeans.
Sometimes, instead of talking, we press our foreheads together, temple-to-temple, and hold each other there. It's the closest I've ever felt to anyone.
He is so incredibly real. Where was he when I thought Travis (high school boy, underweight and gaunt, acne scars, sharp elbows, anaeimic smell coming out of his pores) was the be-all and end-all of true, enduring love?
Like my mamma says, they leave you because they think they've found someone better, but what's really going on is fate's got someone better waiting for you. If I hadn't fucked up with Travis, when would I have had time to find the Captain?
There are photos of us that our friends took yesterday, sitting across a table from them, side-by-side, me with my hands clasped around his neck from the side, and we are first grinning madly at the camera, then looking in opposite directions, then smiling at one another, then kissing cutely, and then finally dissolving into that little world where you go when you've completely forgotten that anyone else even exists, still kissing, my hands in his hair, eyes closed.
My heart is swollen and fat, really to be brought in, blamed for our sins, and slaughtered on Yom Kippur.
I can take that.